Why Y'all Can't Have Nice Things

(You Break it- You Bought it)

With members encompassing more than a quarter of the world’s population, the Abrahamic religions, collectively exert arguably the most extensive influence upon human behavior today- with the possible exception of central banks, multinational corporations… and of course, the very latest in TikTok trends.

Meanwhile, we are on the cusp of a bold new binary world where rapidly evolving innovations in implant technology may soon bridge human thought with internet communication. Thus, theological traditions now face increasingly stiff competition within the realm of social media, including the growing possibility of digital annihilation courtesy of online censorship. Any who remain unconvinced that an established religion could ever fall prey to “cancel culture,” or find itself replaced by some other web-based virtual institution, are hereby urged to research Henry VIII.

Agnostic reflection, regarding the nearly 3 billion religious adherents who are blissfully unaware their common teachings were originally expropriated, can lead to a truly illuminating experience. Scholars seeking verification of Old Testament events, uncovered an older version of the Fall of Man (common to Islam, Christianity, and Judaism) in the Letters of Amarna, entitled Adapa and the Food of Life. Even more stunning, is the fact that parallels exist between Cain and Abel and another Sumerian text, indicating that conflicts between nomads and agriculturalists had long been a mainstay of literary fodder in the ancient world. The major plot point change unveiled in the Genesis 4 reboot, was that the shepherd is murdered instead of just getting laid. 

The common creation story in Genesis, isn’t noteworthy merely because it might have originated outside of Judea, but because it expresses an ideology established upon the fundamental sanctity of all life on the planet. Through the subversion of this uniquely defining principle in the interest of economic exploitation, humans have wholly obliterated the ability of many plants and animals to be fruitful and multiply, let alone survive mass extinction… and yet we humans just keep on playing follow-the-leader.

Our species, seemingly motivated by some final Black Friday rush towards planetary overpopulation, continues to accelerate the degradation of an interconnected living web that supports and sustains all of us. Actions such as these, would appear to prove that what was once almost universally regarded as sacred, has been reduced to little more than wishful thinking printed on badges, posters, stickers, and t-shirts. So, in the final dreary decades, as we squabble in squalor over the last cheeseburgers in paradise, perhaps we’ll finally crap out some deep and abiding knowledge explaining exactly why it is that we just can’t seem to have nice things… and keep them that way.